Tuesday, August 23, 2005
International news! Antarctica new axis of evil!
African nations reach consensus on greetings. Traditional forms of greeting like Hello banned!
Antarctica declared as new center in the axis of evil by President Bush.
Australian nationalists declare complete independence from Britain. New flag design released!
China, Japan and Indo-China form new trading block for exchange of cullianary copyrights – SOY
African nations met in the Central African Republic to decide on further cultural integration. As a first step, after almost ten years of forming the New Integrated Group for Greater Assistance (NIGGA), traditional forms of greeting like the handshake, bowing, hello, hi, good morning, afternoon and evening will all be done away with. Allowed forms of greeting will now be high fives and the term Whoozyodaddy!
Eymologists are investigating claims that the term Whoozyodaddy is a Swahili derivative.
Leaders at the NIGGA conference were quickly ushered away after a vote of approval was passed as the 10th military coup in the space of 3 hours created a security “situation.”
Political and Cultural analysts doubt the feasibility of the new greetings as all the leaders that voted for the change hadn’t realized that upon their leaving their home nations, they were deposed by new military leaders.
Other discussion at the NIGGA conference included talks on AIDS and Ebola. Clarifications were issued to the press that these were not diseases but the latest rap groups which are all the rage in Nairobi.
The reporter who filed this report was then declared the military chief of staff after the 12th coup 15 mins after the conference was over.
We wish him well.
President Bush stunned the world today after getting an autographed copy of John Kerry’s latest book, There’s always next time, and after proclaiming Antarctica the new center after the axis of evil.
Analysts insist that since Iraq is off the terrorist hotspot list, it was time for Bush to expand his horizons – literally!
In a statement released later today, Dubbya said that as per the CIA’s analysis of the continent, there were millions of troops training for major warfare - scuba divers as well.
An anonymous source in the CIA has confirmed to us that the statements made by Bush referring to the troops and scuba divers referred to penguins and seals but admitted that both these were responsible for violent attacks on the local fish population.
In congress the democrats have asked that the seals and penguins be made to appear before the Hague tribunal for crimes against what an Arkansas Senator termed “Aquanity”.
The literature department at Oxford has refused to comment on the latest addition the English language.
Australian nationalists won a major victory today when they convinced Head of State John Howard to finally change the emblems of the Aussie flag. From now on the union jack at the corner of the flag will be replaced by a skewered shrimp and can of lager.
The Queen has expressed her admiration for Australians in their drive to gain an identity of their own and, surprisingly, even lauded the change in the flag.
“I sincerely believe that Australia’s greatest contribution to culture has been the shrimp on the Barbie and lager; though, I would have preferred Ayer’s rock on the flag!”
Inside sources in the Nationalist Parties Coalition – Australians Ready for a Separate Entity (ARSE) say that plans are on to replace the anthem with the Air Supply song, I’m All Outta Love.
Gay activists all over the world have lauded the decision and have decided to emigrate en masse to the land down under.
In a coincidental piece of news, the entire male population of Greece is expected to holiday/immigrate in/to Oz.
In a world without barriers the countries of Indo-China, China and Japan have decided to join borders and form one massive super continent called Soy. The new continent will have its capital in the former Hong Kong which will now be named Teriyakiville.
When the leaders of the super continent were asked why the merger, it has been said that since India’s emergence as a global power, the only thing going for Far Eastern countries will be Chinese food and the cuisines of the respective countries. The leaders claim that canned Schezuan will be the product of the future that could bring the WTO to its knees.
Sources in IIT , India, however, claim that they have produced a faster, cheaper and more durable version of the Schezuan and are ready to market it. On questions of how the “durability” may affect palateability. IIT spokespersons said that trials on humans haven’t been completed yet, so no comments. However, India’s outsourcing industry has already bagged the contract for production of the Schezuan and from now on the Chinese city of Wanton will named Bing Lu and Bangalore will be nicknamed Wanktown!
President Bush has expressed concern over the creation of Soy and said that he believes that Osama Bin Laden is hiding in the Thai resort of Pattaya. He retracted this statement after having confused the name of the most wanted terrorist with Pattaya’s famous eatery Ol’ Sammy’s Bloated. Bush also apologized for firing two patriot missiles at the restaurant over the past few years.
African nations reach consensus on greetings. Traditional forms of greeting like Hello banned!
Antarctica declared as new center in the axis of evil by President Bush.
Australian nationalists declare complete independence from Britain. New flag design released!
China, Japan and Indo-China form new trading block for exchange of cullianary copyrights – SOY
African nations met in the Central African Republic to decide on further cultural integration. As a first step, after almost ten years of forming the New Integrated Group for Greater Assistance (NIGGA), traditional forms of greeting like the handshake, bowing, hello, hi, good morning, afternoon and evening will all be done away with. Allowed forms of greeting will now be high fives and the term Whoozyodaddy!
Eymologists are investigating claims that the term Whoozyodaddy is a Swahili derivative.
Leaders at the NIGGA conference were quickly ushered away after a vote of approval was passed as the 10th military coup in the space of 3 hours created a security “situation.”
Political and Cultural analysts doubt the feasibility of the new greetings as all the leaders that voted for the change hadn’t realized that upon their leaving their home nations, they were deposed by new military leaders.
Other discussion at the NIGGA conference included talks on AIDS and Ebola. Clarifications were issued to the press that these were not diseases but the latest rap groups which are all the rage in Nairobi.
The reporter who filed this report was then declared the military chief of staff after the 12th coup 15 mins after the conference was over.
We wish him well.
President Bush stunned the world today after getting an autographed copy of John Kerry’s latest book, There’s always next time, and after proclaiming Antarctica the new center after the axis of evil.
Analysts insist that since Iraq is off the terrorist hotspot list, it was time for Bush to expand his horizons – literally!
In a statement released later today, Dubbya said that as per the CIA’s analysis of the continent, there were millions of troops training for major warfare - scuba divers as well.
An anonymous source in the CIA has confirmed to us that the statements made by Bush referring to the troops and scuba divers referred to penguins and seals but admitted that both these were responsible for violent attacks on the local fish population.
In congress the democrats have asked that the seals and penguins be made to appear before the Hague tribunal for crimes against what an Arkansas Senator termed “Aquanity”.
The literature department at Oxford has refused to comment on the latest addition the English language.
Australian nationalists won a major victory today when they convinced Head of State John Howard to finally change the emblems of the Aussie flag. From now on the union jack at the corner of the flag will be replaced by a skewered shrimp and can of lager.
The Queen has expressed her admiration for Australians in their drive to gain an identity of their own and, surprisingly, even lauded the change in the flag.
“I sincerely believe that Australia’s greatest contribution to culture has been the shrimp on the Barbie and lager; though, I would have preferred Ayer’s rock on the flag!”
Inside sources in the Nationalist Parties Coalition – Australians Ready for a Separate Entity (ARSE) say that plans are on to replace the anthem with the Air Supply song, I’m All Outta Love.
Gay activists all over the world have lauded the decision and have decided to emigrate en masse to the land down under.
In a coincidental piece of news, the entire male population of Greece is expected to holiday/immigrate in/to Oz.
In a world without barriers the countries of Indo-China, China and Japan have decided to join borders and form one massive super continent called Soy. The new continent will have its capital in the former Hong Kong which will now be named Teriyakiville.
When the leaders of the super continent were asked why the merger, it has been said that since India’s emergence as a global power, the only thing going for Far Eastern countries will be Chinese food and the cuisines of the respective countries. The leaders claim that canned Schezuan will be the product of the future that could bring the WTO to its knees.
Sources in IIT , India, however, claim that they have produced a faster, cheaper and more durable version of the Schezuan and are ready to market it. On questions of how the “durability” may affect palateability. IIT spokespersons said that trials on humans haven’t been completed yet, so no comments. However, India’s outsourcing industry has already bagged the contract for production of the Schezuan and from now on the Chinese city of Wanton will named Bing Lu and Bangalore will be nicknamed Wanktown!
President Bush has expressed concern over the creation of Soy and said that he believes that Osama Bin Laden is hiding in the Thai resort of Pattaya. He retracted this statement after having confused the name of the most wanted terrorist with Pattaya’s famous eatery Ol’ Sammy’s Bloated. Bush also apologized for firing two patriot missiles at the restaurant over the past few years.
# posted by ☭ Comrade Nambiar☭ @ 1:26 AM 
