Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Meteorite strikes Mumbai suburb of Andheri
Bihar acquires CMM level 5 rating, Confederation of Indian Industries in Turmoil!
Newly formed kingdom of Bandra gets a new parliament building.
Meteorite strikes Mumbai suburb of Andheri.
Good afternoon and welcome to the news at 12. I am Aedid Asid
Laloo Prasad Yadav has created another first by acquiring a CMM level 5 rating for his state Bihar. The news of the rating being given to the state was released to the media at 3 am local time.
The ISO and BIS organizations have decided to follow suit and give the state ISO 1000 ratings and its equivalent for the BIS standards. There were uproarious scenes in parliament when LPY broke the news in the Lok Sabha. The BJP has launched an opposition enquiry into Bihar’s achievement.
Sources tell us that the surveys for the rating were conducted at 2am when most of Bihar was asleep and there was no one to complain about the state of affairs. The only respondent was apparently a dacoit and RJD MLA, Babloo Yadav. Who said that things couldn’t have been better for him in Bihar. With the addition of the tenth microwave oven in the whole state, a spokesperson for the ratings organization said that the addition of the ovens was all that was need to attain the CMM level 5 rating.
The CII has protested at the backward state’s acquisition of a CMM 5 and said that this negated all the efforts of companies in India buying microwave ovens for their pantries and doctoring employee satisfaction indices.
In other ratings news, Moody’s has now downgraded Bihar from Needs to be Nuked to Not Nuked yet????? And Ekta Kapoor’s Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu thi has acquired a six sigma status.
Two days into the formation of the Kingdom of Bandra, His highness Mascarenhas has declared that a parliament needs to be setup. The declaration was made as the King is not able to focus on such a sizeable amount of administrative and political work due to a constant state of stupor.
The new parliament will be housed in Café Mocha near St. Andrews church.
The first decisions facing the new parliament will be the creation of an army, the break-up of which includes the Goan brigade, Karwar Jawans, Sindh rifles and East Indian Command.
The local Muslim population has been miffed by the decision by not being included in the new armed forces.
In a response to the accusation, an inebriated Mascarenhas said, “ Baaaaashtud fuking Momedian buggers! Want to join Bandra’s army? Oh fi! When these zownias went to the States to learn to fly, look what dey did! Balls I’ll let these Kutloo fuckers hold a gun!”
The local constabulary is on high alert expecting riots anytime after dark.
In other news, Salman Khan has been named the minister of defense, Vivek Oberoi minister of information, broadcasting and propaganda, A. D Singh Minister of Finance and Sunil Dutt the Minister of Kablooie. When Dutt was asked what Kablooie was he said he didn’t know but he was excited that he was going to be given a real and meaningful portfolio for the first time. Political analysts aren’t as confident.
Officials from the Met Office said that a meteorite struck the Andheri-Kurla link road in the early hours of the morning. Locals are puzzled about events as they claim that they didn’t hear explosions or feel any tremors.
A senior medical observer pointed out that the residents of Andheri have been living under the constant barrage of heavy machinery digging up roads for the past 6 months so the combination of partial deafness and being used to quake style vibrations is probably the cause for the confusion.
However, due to the extensive digging up of the area, scientists are confused as to the exact impact zone of the meteor. Most areas of Andheri have been searched and there have been no results yet due the extensive conversion of Andheri into a massive trench.
In related news, Army jawans will now be training on the roads of Andheri to get a real life feel of Trench warfare. On questions about whether this will disturb the flow of traffic, an RTO official said, “Flow? Flow manje ka? Andhericha road ek biscuit packet sarka aahey. Fullltoo jaaam!” “Chala, komdivade khaowya ki ata?”
The Marol citizens group has been looking at new names for the suburb and some of the suggestions are:
Khupchi waadi,
Khadda Sheher,
Dhool Bareilly
And the most controversial Dancebaristan.
Bihar acquires CMM level 5 rating, Confederation of Indian Industries in Turmoil!
Newly formed kingdom of Bandra gets a new parliament building.
Meteorite strikes Mumbai suburb of Andheri.
Good afternoon and welcome to the news at 12. I am Aedid Asid
Laloo Prasad Yadav has created another first by acquiring a CMM level 5 rating for his state Bihar. The news of the rating being given to the state was released to the media at 3 am local time.
The ISO and BIS organizations have decided to follow suit and give the state ISO 1000 ratings and its equivalent for the BIS standards. There were uproarious scenes in parliament when LPY broke the news in the Lok Sabha. The BJP has launched an opposition enquiry into Bihar’s achievement.
Sources tell us that the surveys for the rating were conducted at 2am when most of Bihar was asleep and there was no one to complain about the state of affairs. The only respondent was apparently a dacoit and RJD MLA, Babloo Yadav. Who said that things couldn’t have been better for him in Bihar. With the addition of the tenth microwave oven in the whole state, a spokesperson for the ratings organization said that the addition of the ovens was all that was need to attain the CMM level 5 rating.
The CII has protested at the backward state’s acquisition of a CMM 5 and said that this negated all the efforts of companies in India buying microwave ovens for their pantries and doctoring employee satisfaction indices.
In other ratings news, Moody’s has now downgraded Bihar from Needs to be Nuked to Not Nuked yet????? And Ekta Kapoor’s Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu thi has acquired a six sigma status.
Two days into the formation of the Kingdom of Bandra, His highness Mascarenhas has declared that a parliament needs to be setup. The declaration was made as the King is not able to focus on such a sizeable amount of administrative and political work due to a constant state of stupor.
The new parliament will be housed in Café Mocha near St. Andrews church.
The first decisions facing the new parliament will be the creation of an army, the break-up of which includes the Goan brigade, Karwar Jawans, Sindh rifles and East Indian Command.
The local Muslim population has been miffed by the decision by not being included in the new armed forces.
In a response to the accusation, an inebriated Mascarenhas said, “ Baaaaashtud fuking Momedian buggers! Want to join Bandra’s army? Oh fi! When these zownias went to the States to learn to fly, look what dey did! Balls I’ll let these Kutloo fuckers hold a gun!”
The local constabulary is on high alert expecting riots anytime after dark.
In other news, Salman Khan has been named the minister of defense, Vivek Oberoi minister of information, broadcasting and propaganda, A. D Singh Minister of Finance and Sunil Dutt the Minister of Kablooie. When Dutt was asked what Kablooie was he said he didn’t know but he was excited that he was going to be given a real and meaningful portfolio for the first time. Political analysts aren’t as confident.
Officials from the Met Office said that a meteorite struck the Andheri-Kurla link road in the early hours of the morning. Locals are puzzled about events as they claim that they didn’t hear explosions or feel any tremors.
A senior medical observer pointed out that the residents of Andheri have been living under the constant barrage of heavy machinery digging up roads for the past 6 months so the combination of partial deafness and being used to quake style vibrations is probably the cause for the confusion.
However, due to the extensive digging up of the area, scientists are confused as to the exact impact zone of the meteor. Most areas of Andheri have been searched and there have been no results yet due the extensive conversion of Andheri into a massive trench.
In related news, Army jawans will now be training on the roads of Andheri to get a real life feel of Trench warfare. On questions about whether this will disturb the flow of traffic, an RTO official said, “Flow? Flow manje ka? Andhericha road ek biscuit packet sarka aahey. Fullltoo jaaam!” “Chala, komdivade khaowya ki ata?”
The Marol citizens group has been looking at new names for the suburb and some of the suggestions are:
Khupchi waadi,
Khadda Sheher,
Dhool Bareilly
And the most controversial Dancebaristan.
# posted by ☭ Comrade Nambiar☭ @ 1:28 AM 
