Tuesday, August 23, 2005
The mid-day news today……
Bangalore declares itself the Dosa capital of the world. Jayalalitha protests!
Shiv Sena reinvents itself, Bal Thackeray to model for Versace!
Proposal to setup desalination plants draws flack from the Congress and Tusshar Gandhi!
In what is seen as a move by the Karnataka CM to claim superiority, in all aspects in Southern India, Bangalore has proclaimed itself the Dosa capital of the World! The CM claims that in the last quarter itself dosa production has climbed by a whopping 1 crore units! This is against the previous quarter’s increase in production of 75 lakh units.
The Ministry of Finance in New Delhi has confirmed the figures and said that because of the exponential increase in production, a new tax will be levied on every dosa sold. The so called dosa-tax is expected to earn the central government over 1,000 Cr in tax revenue. Chidambaram has also decided to tax thrift in other forms of life by imposing the following taxes.
IT-Tax – This tax will be over and above the income tax of IT employees and will extend to those who deal, walk near, call up an IT company by mistake and even mention the word IT more than 4 times a day.
Da-tax – To seize the opportunity to make some money out of this useless punctuation at the end of every sentence said in the south, a 10 rupee charge will be placed on every individual who utters it.
Amarider Singh of Punjab has protested against the new imposition of the tax but was placated after the phonetics of Da was specified in a later statement by the Prime Minister.
CM of Tamil Nadu, Jayalalitha, protested Bangalore’s Dosa Capital declaration by ordering the arrest of all her political opponents that are not in jail already. 2 people were arrested in the process off the Madras coast traveling in a raft. Police are denying allegations that the 2 were shipwreck survivors from an Indonesian carrier and insist that they are troublemakers from Karnataka.
Jayalalitha says that if her protests are not heeded by the center, she will hold a dosa making rally in Madras and Rajnikanth will be the Chief Executive of the newly formed Da Machha Dosa Institute. Mentioning the name of this institute will be tax exempt.
Jayalalitha made the protest from a New York studio while she was recording with Missy Elliot and other stars in a campaign to show support for Michael Jackson. Sources have told us that Jayalalitha feels that the children were asking for it and Jackson is only human. We are still trying to locate the bodily remains of the said sources.
Mumbai’s Shiv Sena has decided that it will abandon its staid image and do away with its upcoming plans to use the vadapav as its new mascot.
Uddhav, Raj and Bal Thackeray have decided to change the image of the Sena by “hiring” Donatella Versache who was in the city recently to design for them and the Sena.
In a statement on TV, Versache was seen sitting in the middle of a room stating that she was not harmed, harassed or under any kind of duress of the Sena and was designing for the Sena of her own free will. The news feed was suddenly blacked out after a team of Italian commandos suddenly stormed Shiv Sena bhavan offering free Old Monk and vadapav vouchers to the guards.
The Sena is now contemplating setting up a Shakha in Rome.
In other fashion news, Sena mouthpiece Saamna released its monthly fashion magazine KaashtiShaastra which named the Sena chief as the fashion icon of the year.
Due to anticipated acute water shortages in Maharashtra, help has been sought from the UAE to setup desalination plants over the state. The congress government has however opposed the move and Tusshar Gandhi, leading a crowd of congress workers, told reporters that no foreign expertise was required to extract salt from the sea.
Tensions were diffused when PM intervened and made a statement on DD that desalination was to acquire water and not salt.
Congress workers then turned on Gandhi after realizing that he was actually a BJP worker.
Bangalore declares itself the Dosa capital of the world. Jayalalitha protests!
Shiv Sena reinvents itself, Bal Thackeray to model for Versace!
Proposal to setup desalination plants draws flack from the Congress and Tusshar Gandhi!
In what is seen as a move by the Karnataka CM to claim superiority, in all aspects in Southern India, Bangalore has proclaimed itself the Dosa capital of the World! The CM claims that in the last quarter itself dosa production has climbed by a whopping 1 crore units! This is against the previous quarter’s increase in production of 75 lakh units.
The Ministry of Finance in New Delhi has confirmed the figures and said that because of the exponential increase in production, a new tax will be levied on every dosa sold. The so called dosa-tax is expected to earn the central government over 1,000 Cr in tax revenue. Chidambaram has also decided to tax thrift in other forms of life by imposing the following taxes.
IT-Tax – This tax will be over and above the income tax of IT employees and will extend to those who deal, walk near, call up an IT company by mistake and even mention the word IT more than 4 times a day.
Da-tax – To seize the opportunity to make some money out of this useless punctuation at the end of every sentence said in the south, a 10 rupee charge will be placed on every individual who utters it.
Amarider Singh of Punjab has protested against the new imposition of the tax but was placated after the phonetics of Da was specified in a later statement by the Prime Minister.
CM of Tamil Nadu, Jayalalitha, protested Bangalore’s Dosa Capital declaration by ordering the arrest of all her political opponents that are not in jail already. 2 people were arrested in the process off the Madras coast traveling in a raft. Police are denying allegations that the 2 were shipwreck survivors from an Indonesian carrier and insist that they are troublemakers from Karnataka.
Jayalalitha says that if her protests are not heeded by the center, she will hold a dosa making rally in Madras and Rajnikanth will be the Chief Executive of the newly formed Da Machha Dosa Institute. Mentioning the name of this institute will be tax exempt.
Jayalalitha made the protest from a New York studio while she was recording with Missy Elliot and other stars in a campaign to show support for Michael Jackson. Sources have told us that Jayalalitha feels that the children were asking for it and Jackson is only human. We are still trying to locate the bodily remains of the said sources.
Mumbai’s Shiv Sena has decided that it will abandon its staid image and do away with its upcoming plans to use the vadapav as its new mascot.
Uddhav, Raj and Bal Thackeray have decided to change the image of the Sena by “hiring” Donatella Versache who was in the city recently to design for them and the Sena.
In a statement on TV, Versache was seen sitting in the middle of a room stating that she was not harmed, harassed or under any kind of duress of the Sena and was designing for the Sena of her own free will. The news feed was suddenly blacked out after a team of Italian commandos suddenly stormed Shiv Sena bhavan offering free Old Monk and vadapav vouchers to the guards.
The Sena is now contemplating setting up a Shakha in Rome.
In other fashion news, Sena mouthpiece Saamna released its monthly fashion magazine KaashtiShaastra which named the Sena chief as the fashion icon of the year.
Due to anticipated acute water shortages in Maharashtra, help has been sought from the UAE to setup desalination plants over the state. The congress government has however opposed the move and Tusshar Gandhi, leading a crowd of congress workers, told reporters that no foreign expertise was required to extract salt from the sea.
Tensions were diffused when PM intervened and made a statement on DD that desalination was to acquire water and not salt.
Congress workers then turned on Gandhi after realizing that he was actually a BJP worker.
# posted by ☭ Comrade Nambiar☭ @ 1:20 AM 
